Of all my childhood experiences one emotion dominates my memories more than any other fear. I was afraid of the cold, dark world I lived in. I was afraid I would not make it through the trials of life that I was sure were coming. Most of all, I was afraid of being alone. As a result I became codependent upon my mother and older siblings.
I was incapable of doing anything on my own, I had to be taken care of because I had no confidence in myself or the Lord. When I was 26 years old I idolized a woman by the name of Elizabeth.
We got married and I had every confidence that was the person who was to take care of me for the rest of my life. Seven years went by and Elizabeth decided that she did not want to be married to me any longer.
All of my negative emotions boiled up in me but this time anger was the dominant one. Upon hearing the news I went home, wrote a murder-suicide note, and got a gun. Then I shot and killed my wife and shot myself, but I survived. I was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison and thought my life was over.
Then the Lord met me in prison. I came to the realization that I am a sinner who deserved death and Hell but was offered the free gift of salvation. After spending 25 years in prison I was paroled to U-Turn for Christ and once again the Lord met me. I have experience love and acceptance here. I haven’t felt judged here because everyone here has realized they need the Lord just like I did and do every day. I am really grateful for my new life in Christ and during this period of my life the emotion that dominates my life is joy.